February – ahh, the month of love! Everyone dreams about the perfect, romantic relationship filled with balance, harmony, fun and ease. I thought that I would share about a client who was so in love with her boyfriend and yet just could not find any peace or flow in her life. This is what happened and how we worked together to reach a better place.
Jill had been with her boyfriend for about 3 years now. They had known each other through common social circles and had always had an attraction towards each other. John had moved into Jill’s apartment once they started dating, which she had gotten from her parents. Jill had a great job and from the outside it looked like she had everything – but Jill and John fought often.
Their fights were pretty messy, with many unkind words being exchanged followed by outrageous ongoing text messages and phone calls after he stormed out. Drama ensued after each fight.
Jill had worked with many healers on different levels in an attempt to improve herself and her life and encouraged her partner to do so as well. She thought she was doing everything right. She explained how she always tried to approach their arguments logically and calmly while John was outright abusive in every which way possible.
Name calling and the lack of trust was huge on John’s list with Jill, even though she had not given him any reason to distrust her, she said. In fact, she was confused – she had provided him with a home, enough credit to sport a new car, helped him financially with his business whenever he needed, tolerated his family whom she knew did not like her and even helped with the upkeep of his lifestyle. Jill was frustrated with John’s lack of support when she needed anything. She wanted to share a normal life with John that included vacations and social activities and tried hard to get John to participate.
Jill’s relationship with her parents was also strained. Jill sugar-coated the truth as she spoke to her father about where she stood on issues affecting her life. Jill was afraid to ruin the image that her father held of her as a put-together, successful daughter. She used her mother abusively as an outlet for her anger and she hid the details of her torrid life from her parents and friends…until she met me. Immediately, I guided her to see her mother as a source of support rather than yet another source of pain.
After her first session of Reciprocal Resetting, done just to reset her physical body systems, Jill felt an immediate clarity come over her. She felt like she was able to view the situation from a different perspective. She listened more – we investigated the reasons why she tolerated a man belittling her even when she claimed to knew her worth. Or why she stayed even as he abused her. In the beginning it was physical but even when the physical abuse stopped, the emotional abuse did not.
I explained to Jill how love does not hurt. Love does not interrupt your daily routine at work and having to make excuses to your boss as to why you need to leave the office yet again or have to be glued to your telephone trying to pacify your boyfriend. I pointed out to Jill that John could not show up for her when she needed him because SHE was not showing up for herself. She did not see how her passive aggressive behavior patterns contributed to the demise of her relationship.
I guided Jill through the process of understanding the importance of establishing a daily routine for herself. We looked into foods that she could add to her diet after the weight gain affected her self-esteem and her diabetes. I taught Jill how to intuitively ask her body what it needed with regards to food and additional supplements using Applied Kinesiology. We made a plan to create space in her life to go to the gym to incorporate the social aspect as well as the stress relief. I guided her to incorporate yoga into her weekly repertoire for the mind-body connection. The Process of Nurturing plays an important role in centering, grounding, connecting with your inner being and building confidence and self-esteem.
One day, after yet another huge fight, Jill called me crying and every time she did she always expressed how she was ‘done’ with John and his annoying behaviors and taking the blame for everything that was happening in his life and in their relationship.
So as we talked about what lead to the reasons for this fight, I pointed out to Jill that she generally focused on the circumstances that surrounded her instead of paying attention to the theme of what she was attracting into her life. Our conversation lead to her explaining to me how she had to act like the grown-up during times when her parents fought and how her mom never stood up for herself in her marriage and how Jill felt like her father abused her mother emotionally and how her father never showed up for her when she needed him. I worked with Jill till she connected with that part of her where everything her father did to her mother is what she had manifested into her own life. John did not support or show up for Jill – neither did her father when she needed him when she was younger.
Next, we focused on changing her communication pattern when it came to issues regarding John using the Process of Pivoting – reprogramming her thought patterns. I guided Jill to stay focused on her job during the day and to resist the urges to respond to his every little text, phone call and email attempt that John made to reach her during these times. I had taught Jill the significance of grounding herself, connecting with her breathe and being true to herself. I had pointed out to her that her constant passive-aggressive nature of thinking she was ‘helping’ John by constantly reminding him that she was not his mother. She felt that reminding John that he was repeating the patterns of his parents was a way to help but that just made John more defensive and closed off. I worked on Clearing and Balancing Jill’s Chakras which grounded her further.
Now Jill understood how and where she had developed belief systems and definitions that made it okay for her to accept her boyfriend’s behavior. I cleansed Jill’s Aura several times during our journey to ward off the constant negativity that surrounded her.
Jill gradually began taking baby steps and implementing small changes. She gradually stopped engaging John every time he had a tantrum. She stopped resisting me and got disciplined with her daily routine. She stayed focused at work, she got more responsibilities and started working toward a promotion. She took the fancy car that she had bought John and sold it. She asked John to move out and even thought she missed him and called him for several months after, every time she needed help with something under the premise that only John could help her with that.
I taught her how to ask her friends for help or to call a professional service for other issues. I encouraged her to make time and to get out of the house on weekends to lunch with her girlfriends and to create happy good feeling moments for herself to increase her vibrational frequency and thus increasing her alignment which would change her Point of Attraction. Once John had moved out, I transformed Jill’s house into a safer feeling space by doing a House Cleansing to purify her space.
Now, an important note is that Jill initially did not want to accept that she had created this for herself. She did not understand why she would manifest a man into her life that would treat her so badly when she was such a good person. And what mattered to her most was that she loved him.
Jill resisted me many times along the way and even fell off the wagon several times – so it was no easy task by any means. Jill did not take my advice and suggestions easily even though intellectually she understood she was desperate for change. She wanted to be right so she fought John not understanding how she was enabling him. Sometimes, she would do something I would explicitly guide her not to do because it was harmful and damaging for her wellbeing.
But.. gradually.. Jill started to feel safe again, feel like she could appreciate her alone time and even started talking about the baby that she has always wanted. She realized that this was not the future that she wanted to create for her child! It was her persistence that brought change into her journey. She eventually began to understand that if she did not make the changes within herself, that she would simply continue to attract the same type of relationship the next time around.
Even more importantly, please remember that there are no 8 minute cures or quick fixes. Reprograming years of thinking and being, takes time. The results of all your ‘work’ will manifest positively in you living your life as you imagined it to be. These changes happen gradually and incrementally and a commitment is required on your behalf should you wish to attain your goals. The good news is that once you incorporate this into your lifestyle is becomes easier with each lifetime.